Rush

I think I entered thrilled.

Bursting
from my Mama’s womb
was a moment that could be marked.
After that, the changes,
while they kept on
being remarkable,
became so invisibly
incremental,
that my changing
day to day
could mostly not
be caught.

There was no moment,
only more of me, more body,
more synaptic connections
that brought more language, more
recognition, more separation too.
I didn’t know when I was done,
couldn’t tell exactly when
I came into the body grown.
And after that, the changes
continued indistinct,
the growth of ego, for example,
and quite a bit later, compassion.

Of course I cannot say I am
the same as the baby I was,
and yet my being has always been
in this body I started with.
I never left this body since my birth!
How can it be that my being is the one
that slid her unborn self
down the daunting passage,
and is also the one at the end of the trail?
What a rush and riddle
to remain myself,
and always be someone new.

I tamed and then untamed,
I hardened and now unharden.
Still I am the being who burst,
her genes unfurling and expressing.
But soon I get to face unmaking.
I will lay my body gently down
and leave the changing stories
of all the smaller selves behind.
These days I’m bringing the mystery
into my whole being’s heart.
That place where the baby’s heart
is growing wings. Wings!

I hope to exit thrilled.

            ©Susa Silvermarie 2025