Sitting with Grief

Who is fooling whom?
Grief hides,
until it jumps out of the closet
and yells Gotcha!
Hiding from myself
something part of me
doesn’t want to know,
something one part
refuses to remember—
grief is intricate like that.
When I think I’m finished,
I attend an opera, raw emotion
floods me with the music.
Loss looms sudden and gigantic,
punches my chest with its iron tsunami.
Shocked, I totter, stagger—
equilibrium once more a joke.

When I scrabble my way
back to standing balance,
when I have banished again,
the sadness with no solution,
the sorrow that can only
become a companion—
I may fool myself once more
that grief is done.
For sitting with sadness
is grueling work.

Sitting with grief
I need a glass of water beside me,
for the work parches the heart.
Sitting with sorrow,
I must have a cushion that is firm,
for it will be a lengthy sit.
Sitting with sadness
I cannot fool myself,
for grief is my clearest mirror.
I will look deep!
For facing loss
may bring me, before I die,
to lift my mouth in a slim smile
at the beauty that remains.

©Susa Silvermarie 2017

Standing Rock Ceremony on Lake Chapala






Spinning Spacetime

spacetimeSpace is not empty after all, but FULL. This week I watched The Connnected Universe, a film narrated by Sir Patrick Stewart (aka Captain Picard of Star Trek) that features the science of Nassim Haramein and his search to understand the mechanism of connection of all things in the universe. Einstein visualized space as geometrical, thereby curving the paths of heavenly bodies, and all his life he hoped for a theory of everything that would unify the quantum particle  level with relativity, ie, with the levels and scales and patterns of cosmic bodies. Haramein has uncovered that Unified Field, and the story of his findings have transformed the way I view life.

Now when I look around, say, at the open spaces between furniture in my home, I remember that it is actually full –of a cosmic sea of spacetime that sloshes through my home, as well as through my body, and through everything. Spacetime is out there, and in here, in each atom of the furniture and of) our bodies too. This  space is 99.9999 % of the cosmos, including me.  Each of my 100 trillion cells contains 99. 9999 % space. I learn that if you remove the ’empty’ space in every atom of every human being on the planet and compress it all together, all of humanity would fit into the size of a sugar cube. That’s how much space there really is!spaceSo I look around and see people walking on the lakeshore. Suddenly they are outlines of moving energy made mostly of spacetime, outlines through which space-time flows continually. I think of a waterfall I once watched for hours, studying how the energy form remained, even while  the water drops were constantly new ones. So the people on the lakeshore  have the space-time field of energy constantly moving through them, like water moving through the form of  a waterfall. This invisible energy of space connects us, and connects everything.

The new perception of space enriches me enormously. I sense myself extending out in all directions. It also gives me a sense of physical safety and even mitigates my fear of death. If my physical presence will one day seem to disappear, ho-hum, not only has it been fluctuating  between wave and particle for all of my existence, but the cosmic spacetime fabric that is everywhere will surely embrace the teensy tiny nanoscale percent of me that is not already spacious.

spaceNassim Haramein feels that what we have in the past called spiritual energy may be seen as  the self-organizing cosmic sea of spacetime, from which the material world emerges. He has come up with elegant equations that create a unified theory.  He not only views space as full, and black holes as the birthplace rather than the deathplace of particles, but he proves a hologram model that says that each proton in the nucleus of each atom holds a representation of the whole universe.

This means that you and I, literally, have the power of the universe in us. The wisdom of As Above So Below can be interpreted  as, So the cosmic, so the quantum. Likewise, As Within So Without can be heard as, So our bodies, so the stars. We are in a constant cosmic dance with the spacetime fabric from which we emerged.

Well then,  I’m mostly made of space, (and not just because I’m a Gemini). But it’s a net of spacetime, so it no longer makes me lonely. Instead, it is one more nudge that folds my form into sweet belonging. To see the  pattern of this Biggest Belonging there is, we can  decide to view the world through the big-picture, connected perspective–  of spinning spacetime. Happy cosmic dancing, dear sisters and brothers.

Film trailer here.

Solar Eclipse

Sitting at my window
while the sun is completely covered
and the terror of shadow
comes with its sharp edges,
I am quieted, quieted.

From stillness I witness
unloved children, shadow selves,
creeping out to be seen.
Before we leave the old ways,
all the unloved children
ask to be embraced.

As I sit at my window,
the world empties of sound.
Gone silent, birds, and dogs.
No radios, only
an impossible passage,
an invitation:

Will we climb the sipapu*,
portal to a new world?
Freshness! Unfamiliar air!
The opening beckons.
Shall we birth the world again?

*Sipapu is a Hopi word for the round indentation in the floor of a kiva, symbolizing the portal through which their ancestors first emerged to enter the present world.

©Susa Silvermarie 2017

Dearest Perfect Mango

Dearest perfect mango
on the highest branch,
though I cannot reach you,
my poet’s soul is fed
by your ripened flame.
From my hammock vantage,
I contemplate your magic
while it happens.
and the simple sight of you
quiets all my hungers.